I wrote this last year, when Christmas shopping was still a thing, and teachers taught at schools. I couldn't have known then--none of us could--how much more true it would be this year. Distances and longing, indeed. I was browsing in a new store a couple of weeks ago. Strains of an old and favorite … Continue reading Longing for the light
Parenting
Ordinary Time
It turned out to be at its coming in and not at its leaving when March was actually the lamb; it left us yesterday with the lion, and lions, it turns out, can kill you. Even the warning of the soothsayer to "Beware the ides of March" seems more foreboding when you think about what … Continue reading Ordinary Time
Quarantine, Day 5
Trying a schedule today, using information from Days 1-4 8:15 AM Drag self from bed, in shirt worn yesterday + pajama pants 8:20-11:00 AM Drink coffee and scroll Facebook mindlessly. Consider extensive cleaning and knitting projects that could be completed during this time, as well as individual sports that could be mastered and languages that … Continue reading Quarantine, Day 5
Siren song
The photo is from 1992. But I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since yesterday morning, since I heard the news of the tornado. I knew exactly what I was looking for when I started in on the faux-leather-library bindings of the photo albums to look for the photo, though not which yellow-paged … Continue reading Siren song
Field notes from the Empty Nest, vol. 1
Nearly all of my birds took off at the same time this summer, which is I guess how it generally goes for the actual mother birds, though they are underrepresented on the mommy blogs, having so rarely written about it. This is a damn shame. It would have helped to have read on Facebook that … Continue reading Field notes from the Empty Nest, vol. 1
Lucky 13
Thirteen years ago this time of year, I was spending much of my days bawling while bald, begging and bargaining with God for my life and to see my kids grow up. To get my youngest, who was five at the time, to adulthood, or at least to an age where she would for sure … Continue reading Lucky 13
The girl and her mom at graduation
It was both an honor and a pleasure to speak to the graduates and their moms at the Notre Dame Prep Mother-Daughter brunch this morning! Girls - and moms - it's true: "you're gonna be great!" Well, here we are, ladies. It is so good to be with all of you, graduates and moms, in … Continue reading The girl and her mom at graduation
Never Get a Dog: A Lifetime of Reasons Why
It starts with the puppies, and the puppies are cute, I will give you that. But they take all of your time, and you have to take over as, of all things, the mom: feeding them, loving them, teaching them how to do everything. I say this even thought I know that your puppy may, in … Continue reading Never Get a Dog: A Lifetime of Reasons Why
Holy Saturdays
It's Holy Saturday today, a day when nothing happened. It gets lost amid all the flashier days of Holy Week but it is the part that I relate to the most. Palm Sunday looked like so much fun, didn't it? All pomp and circumstance, and weren't they lucky to have such perfect weather? The Facebook … Continue reading Holy Saturdays
Mothershucker
It was an impossibly springlike February day when I found myself walking the beach, and then found her. Both beauty and new friends often come to us this way I think: in unlikely circumstances, unexpected. When we are thinking about other things, and totally not looking. She might be an oyster shell; I really don't … Continue reading Mothershucker
Not ok….and yet
There are so many things not ok in our world today, this day, Christmas Eve. There are big, public things that just about everyone knows, things that so many of us are just worried sick about. There are small, private things too, things in our family that are not ok. Things that hardly anyone and … Continue reading Not ok….and yet
A Tribe of Boy Moms
It was such an honor to speak to the Loyola Mothers' Club at the Harvest Pot Luck Dinner last night. For all who so generously opened their hearts to my words and asked if they could have them online, here they are, with my humble thanks. And, as always, Go Dons, Go Musketeers, and Go … Continue reading A Tribe of Boy Moms
My loves, my life
The baby was just hours old, but he was, as all babies are, a marvel and a miracle, all wrapped up in a striped cotton blanket. In the rare moments that he opened his impossibly dark newborn eyes to the world he saw, staring back at him, two youthful faces squinting in an expression equal … Continue reading My loves, my life
It’s not political; it’s primal
I saw a thing once about elephant moms, and how they comfort each other when something has happened to one of the calves of the herd. The grieving mother trumpets out to the others, who continue to trumpet out the message, often for days, sometimes for much longer than the experts would expect. Meanwhile, the … Continue reading It’s not political; it’s primal
The golden hour
The school year ended quietly at my house. It was a tough year coming to a close, on an unseasonably cool and cloudy day. A cold and broken Hallelujah. Thank you GOD, I think, I move the early-alarm button back one click to the "off" position, we made it. It's ovah. It's not all the … Continue reading The golden hour
The last words: 52/52
A flat brown package arrived at my door the other day. I had no idea what it could be. I hadn't ordered anything. It must be a birthday present, I thought, and I brightened, wondering gleefully what it might be and who might have sent it. A thing about getting older that is both terrific … Continue reading The last words: 52/52
Road to the White Blouse
"Hang on!" I yell from upstairs, even though my family is ready to leave, and in the car, which is packed for the airport and behind schedule. "I just have to change my shirt real quick." Even my daughters, who are more astute than their father and brothers in these matters, will detect no appreciable … Continue reading Road to the White Blouse
Portrait of the mom at graduation
I do not know why Commencement speakers bother giving speeches to the graduates. They are mostly not listening. The Young Adults Formerly Known As Our Children arrive at this day and at the stage proud, and celebratory, relieved and optimistic. They are happy to be with each other and—at least until somewhat later in the … Continue reading Portrait of the mom at graduation
Mary
It doesn't feel like spring to most of us this year, but the calendar, stubborn and rigid as it is, insists that it is upon us, that we are nearly to May. And if you were ever a little girl in Catholic school, May was also a month in which you might have hoped to … Continue reading Mary
The mom is not in the movie
My son pulled out of our driveway seven weeks ago, a dark-haired beauty at his side, the long journey ahead eclipsed only by the longer one behind him. It wasn't for college that he left; it's been years since he left for that, and some fewer since he came back home, sheepskin in hand, the … Continue reading The mom is not in the movie
Promises, promises
The lady behind the jewelry store counter had, quite suddenly, grown still. She'd been, until now, in constant motion, moving back and forth between me and the velvet box at her side, its rows upon rows of sizing rings resting in velvet pockets. We'd been busy trying the sizing rings on my left hand, one … Continue reading Promises, promises
The Struggle Bus
My grown up kids take city buses all the time. I know nothing of the routes and schedules they know by heart, of how safe or dangerous it is for them. Of the mistakes they could make and perhaps sometimes do, of where they get off, of how they pay their fare. Lately, though, a … Continue reading The Struggle Bus
BELOVED MINIVAN DIES, FAMILY REMEMBERS
BALTIMORE, MD (February 9, 2018) Minivan Thompson has died, having lost a lengthy and courageous battle with the Maryland Vehicle Emissions Inspection Program. She was 14 years and 181,584 miles old. A 2005 Town & Country whose green color was enigmatically called "Magnesium" by the Chrysler Corporation, Minnie was born in Fairway, Kansas, a suburb of … Continue reading BELOVED MINIVAN DIES, FAMILY REMEMBERS
Wavy glass
I am an old house person. To clarify, it is the house is in this sentence is old, not the person. It's not that I'm not an old person; I absolutely am, as evidenced—and rather unkindly harped upon on a daily basis, I might add—by the magnifying mirror I had installed in my bathroom when I was … Continue reading Wavy glass
Fragile
I was planning to take this on, as they say, "in my next life". But I have realized that this plan, necessitated as it is by the demise of this life—which I am otherwise really enjoying and pretty deeply investing in continuing—is not as foolproof as I would like. Even in a best case scenario, … Continue reading Fragile
Pencil marks
It just never occurred to me to discuss the door jamb. The kids were little, which is to say that they were almost always messy, which was not great, and often sticky-handsy, which was even worse. The first two vertical feet of walls and corners and door jambs of our little house could, to an … Continue reading Pencil marks
How to knit a grown up
The holidays are over now, for real. Every young adult iteration of Christmas break—from the all-too-brief workaday kind to the endless weeks-on-end college kind—has ended. The “big kids” are gone. They have returned now to their parallel universes: their schools, jobs, and lives in townhouses, apartments, and smaller apartments where they live, places that, I … Continue reading How to knit a grown up
I can’t even
I hate to mention this, Moms of the World, though it is a truth that you already know. Christmas is drawing near. We are all running out of time. And because we are moms, and there is always so much around the holidays—even if our shopping is done and our wrapping is complete, even if … Continue reading I can’t even
Being Santa
I have lost my job. I only just realized this today. It happened so gradually that I didn't even notice the signs, though clearly I should have. Like many who work in the same position for a long time, I'd become good at it, and I took a lot of pride in the work I … Continue reading Being Santa
Becoming Real
The Velveteen Rabbit has never sounded quite the same to me since breast cancer. I always found Margery Williams’ classic tale to be a somewhat dark and tragic and not at all Christmas-y story, what with the incidence and management of scarlet fever, and the burning of the child’s toys and all. But my kids … Continue reading Becoming Real
Stories and small things
Some of the stories will really get to you. They'll get to you through your television if the stories are interesting, or surprising in some way, and especially if the murder victims are wealthy or white. If there is someone there to notice, to mourn, to tell the TV people the stories of how the … Continue reading Stories and small things
23, on the way to 52
My daughter turned 23 this week, and so did my #52for52 project. Significantly more time was spent planning and executing a celebration of the first event, which, predictably, resulted in a mild neglect of the second. But you know how much I like numbers, and coincidences, so you will not be surprised to hear that … Continue reading 23, on the way to 52
Filtered light
"Don’t you love how the light is there?" Light and dark meant something different when I was younger, and my kids were little, probably because, like all of us moms, I was so busy. Light and dark were just days and nights of blurry movement that ran together, one exactly like the day before. To … Continue reading Filtered light
The times I wish I’d said Yes
My daughter was probably six or seven at the time. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon in fall and we were at the soccer field. Her hair was pulled into French braids which were never as good as I would have liked, but were the best I could do, in a failing attempt to keep … Continue reading The times I wish I’d said Yes
Parent Jail
Maybe if I'd watched more prison movies, it would be easier. Maybe I'd be better at this. At staying, successfully, on the outside. As it is, my knowledge of more typical incarceration and parole, and the scourge of recidivism, is limited mostly to the Shawshank Redemption, and the dozens of times that I've painstakingly watched … Continue reading Parent Jail
Driven
It is impossible to separate the memories of her early life from the car. More specifically, it is impossible to separate anything of the childhood of our family's "baby" from the minivan in which most of it took place. She had arrived into our family long after the other three, long past the tiny sedan … Continue reading Driven
A moving poem
It's been quite a week My big kids have been home! So all I can muster For this week is a poem Starting schools and new jobs Moving their stuff to another New place, they have needed Some help from their mother It's the end of the week now And so late at night But … Continue reading A moving poem
MEMO: System alert
Now that you know that I am (ahem) "bad with transitions", it should come as no surprise to you, here in the second week of August, that systems are breaking down. To: All Users From: Mom Re: Technical issues We are aware that some of our non-essential systems that are currently down, and that users … Continue reading MEMO: System alert
Coming home
It is the last day of vacation. "I'm bad with transitions," I announce to my family. As if that is actually a thing. I say it confidently, hoping that they will think I am speaking with the diagnostic authority of an old nurse, which they know better than to question. I hope it will sound … Continue reading Coming home
Of Moms and Men
Our tribe once had a name: we were the Boy Moms. We were the ones who stepped on Legos in bare feet in the middle of the night and yelled at our sons to please stop jumping off of the back of the couch. We demanded that they not hit each other with light sabers … Continue reading Of Moms and Men
Ants on a blog
I had left my day job, and was looking forward to a summer schedule, but I also knew that writers need structure, and that I very much need structure, or nothing gets done. I was looking for a way around that, when I thought of the #52for52 thing. I love writing so much when I'm … Continue reading Ants on a blog
Found
I watched in stunned disbelief as my friend's face started to change, to screw up into a shape in which I had never, in all the years I have known her, seen it before. Hers is an exceptionally expressive and lovely face, but this was so unfamiliar that I didn't know what was happening at … Continue reading Found
The golden hour
The school year ended quietly at my house. It was a tough year coming to a close, on an unseasonably cool and cloudy day. A cold and broken Hallelujah. Thank you GOD, I think, I move the early-alarm button back one click to the "off" position, we made it. It's ovah. It's not all the … Continue reading The golden hour
I’m the one in the crown
I am 52 today. After cancer, your never take a single birthday for granted. You ask yourself how you got so lucky to have another one. Sometimes you still wonder how many more there will be. You learn not to mention this part to your friends and family, though, because it comes off vaguely morose, … Continue reading I’m the one in the crown
And on Saturday, nothing happened
"The waiting is the hardest part." - Tom Petty "Seriously, if you love me at all, just put me in a drug-induced coma and wake me when it's over." - Me It's Holy Saturday, otherwise known as The Day When Nothing Happened. It gets lost amid all the flashier days of Holy Week but it … Continue reading And on Saturday, nothing happened
Just for a second
I was putting some clothes in a bag today to give to Goodwill, and, just for a second, I thought, Save one of those button-down shirts just in case one of the kids needs a backwards art smock in the fall. Sometimes, I forget they are all grown up. Just for a second. I still find myself … Continue reading Just for a second
Riding the Struggle Bus
In first grade, I took the public bus to school. The hometown of my youth, today a tony and sprawling suburb of Baltimore and D.C., was just a slice of Americana then, a small boating town where everyone knew everyone. Like most of the moms in our neighborhood, my mom had the car once a week, just one … Continue reading Riding the Struggle Bus
A letter to the baby of our family
We need to have a talk. It’s about something important. It’s about who your parents are. You've noticed, I'm sure, that sometimes I treat you differently than your older siblings. Well, there’s a reason for that. You're old enough now, and it’s time we talked about it. You have a different mom than the other … Continue reading A letter to the baby of our family
Crafting a troubled past
I was young; I didn't know any better, I thought to myself, as I tried to make sense of all the boxes. They were stacked one upon the other in the attic, large plastic bins with lids, smelling vaguely of oil paint. Masking tape labels from days gone by belied their contents: "Maternity clothes", "Snow … Continue reading Crafting a troubled past
Exquisite tenderness
via Daily Prompt: Exquisite If you've ever been a patient (and seriously, by now, who hasn't?), you know that the medical community has a language all its own. But the lexicon is not just the -omas, -itises, and -opathies. It also includes the use of some everyday words that remain in use in charmingly old-fashioned ways, reminding … Continue reading Exquisite tenderness
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